Am I a terrible person? (continued)
(Pandemic Diary - day 219)
From my journal: 3 October 2020 (Saturday)
I wrote the first part of this last night on my way to bed, and while I stand by it completely, I’m also very glad that I wrote it in here instead of on Facebook (I might have been thinking of actually posting it). Now, in the light of a perfect October day (and with less alcohol in my system) I know that would not have been helpful in any way.
I haven’t suddenly gained any sort of empathy for this man.
But my focus has shifted from him to the members of his cult. I know many of them, and the ones I know are not bad people (this is not a “very good people on both sides” statement). And though the symptoms are pretty clear to an outside observer, I doubt they’d even accept that they’re part of a cult.
They are misguided and often willfully ignorant.
But most of us have at some point in our lives been sucked-in by a shyster, fallen under the spell of some kind of false prophet who told us what we wanted to hear. I can associate with that, and I can use my empathy to keep me from saying out loud how right it feels that this man is in the process of being smited for his sins.
Maybe I can redirect some of my happiness, so that I don’t feel so guilty about it (or more accurately, so that I don’t feel like I might be a terrible person because I don’t feel guilty about it).
Maybe I can convince myself that the real reason I’m happy is not that another human being is getting their due, but that the members of his cult might gain their freedom through his sickness and decline.
… Anyway, that’s how I’m going to try to spin this for myself, and maybe I can use that to ease my conscience a bit, or at least to not antagonize those who truly do feel badly for this man and what’s happening to him.